After 35 years of stockbroking for some of the biggest houses and investors in Australia and the UK, the Secret Broker is regaling Stockhead readers with his colourful war stories — from the trading floor to the dealer’s desk.


Well, I’m back to my normal routine and Mrs Broker joked with me that she hoped I hadn’t been at a Hooters restaurant, as I would have been staring at the wrong things.

For those of you in the know, Hooters is about to rebrand itself according to Twitter, as millennials are no longer interested in the female assets that attract real men and make other women jealous. 

This turned out to be ‘fake news’, so that is one prediction that comes for free and a sigh of relief from half(ish) of the nation.

So, as I wrote about last week, I get my predictions by channelling Nostradamus and staring at a lump of ice in my single malt, until it dissolves and gets consumed.

I hope you all feel for me, as the powers that be demanded 20 predictions and as last year’s came in at 16/20, the pressure was on, one shot at a time.

Predicting that Elon would lose his title as the world’s richest man was my best prediction. I have my 2023 list here, in no particular order, so you will never know the first or the twentieth glass’ predictions.

Only my handwriting would give that bit away. Ha!


So here we go:

  1. House prices to bottom out with June/July being the bottom. They won’t recover by much but just settle.
  2. Beware of the Ides of March as the market will fall by 5% between 15th March and the 2nd April, as 3 months into the year sentiment will drop.
  3. Another member of the Rolling Stones will pass away as their odds deteriorate this year, yet again.
  4. 10 year government bonds will finish the year yielding between 3.37% to 3.59%. Currently 3.90%.
  5. The market will close out higher than its current level.
  6. You will see a doubling of cars, boats and other ‘boys’ toys’ for sale in the road.
  7. Prince Harry and Meghan will attend King Charles’ coronation.
  8. Tesla shares will touch U$89. Currently U$110.50.
  9. CBA will trade between $93 and $107. Currently $103.30.
  10. Artificial Intelligence (AI) will threaten Google’s dominance in search and impact on their revenue.
  11. Meat prices will drop as consumers tighten their belts.
  12. Bitcoin will hit U$20,300 and U$13,650.
  13. ZIP will be bid for, only because their tech is so good. I can see an organisation like Harvey Norman expanding from just their current customer base on 60 month interest free to a much wider audience and joining in in the FinTech revolution. 
  14. Penny Wongs’ hair will turn completely white as she grapples with Chinese diplomacy.
  15. Someone in ‘Home and Away’ will die.
  16. Kathleen Folbigg will be released from jail.
  17. Elton John will finally finish his last world tour.
  18. Twitter will default on some of its debt.
  19. Harry and William will kiss and make up
  20. There will be peace in the Ukraine.


So, just like last year, you need to print this off and put it on the fridge as a reminder of what the year ahead will bring. 

These of course are my own personal opinions and you need to have your own opinions and reasoning on acting on any of them and that includes you, if you are Penny Wong’s hairdresser.

I think number ten is the sleeping giant, just to give you the heads up and I am researching the current start up scene for investments. If a bot can give you an accurate spoken answer, then there will be no room for sponsored adverts and that is why Google haven’t produced their own.

So, watch this space and pray with me that number twenty comes true.

Happy 2023,