After 35 years of stockbroking for some of the biggest houses and investors in Australia and the UK, the Secret Broker is regaling Stockhead readers with his colourful war stories — from the trading floor to the dealer’s desk.

On the 7th Jan 2022, Stockhead kindly published my predictions for the year.

It was said that Nostradamus was able to see the future by staring at a bowl of water.

Whereas, my technique was more of a staring at a single ice cube in my glass of 25 year old single malt.

Either way, we both could make predictions and get them published. His in 1555 and mine in 2022.

The other thing we have in common is that we both suffer from gout, though he obviously didn’t predict his coming on, as that is what he died from.

I, on the other hand, can predict it coming on and pop an Arthrexin to keep it at bay.

Ah, the marvels of modern science!

So, how did Nostradamus Jr actually go?

Well, I know that Mick has taken to bed, surrounded by his close family, including Jerry, who has left Rupert to be (permanently) back at his side. Apparently he will stay there till 1st Jan 2023, just in case.

Bill Wyman on the other hand was the favourite, being 86 years old compared to Mick’s younger age of 79. As for Keeeeffff and even though he is the same age as Mick, I think that he has managed to pickle himself into mortality and will live forever.

So that prediction didn’t come true, though we still have one more day to go, so you never know.

As for the others, I thought I did pretty well and out of my 20 predictions, I reckon 16 of them came bang in.

The biggest one was my prediction that Elon Musk would no longer be the richest man in the world and I think from memory, at the time he was U$80bn in front of number two.

Just like a Tesla car, things started to fall off in 2022 and catch fire in a baptism of self belief. When you are at the top, there is only one way to go. Just remember this.

The one prediction that did annoy me the most, was saying that something would happen on the 23rd April, which would change the world forever.

I was meant to put the 21st April, which would have been the Queen’s very last birthday on Earth but instead I put down my Aunties birthdate.

Either way, it was maybe too much drinking and not enough staring or one of my bouts of dyslexia that I get from being tired and not concentrating enough.

Anyway, here is the list of my predictions for 2022, so you can judge me for yourself…

1.The market will have a correction
2. Wine will start to come in flat plastic bottles
3. House prices will fall
4. The Australian dollar will trade between 67c and 75c
5. Bitcoin will go up and down by 25%
6. Elon will be bumped from being the richest man in the world
7. Rupert will exit out of News Corp
8. The ASX 200 will fall by 5% over three days and then bounce
9. Trump’s orange face will start to reappear
10. Someone you know will get a new strain of COVID
11. Only one election year promise will ever be kept
12. Z1P will be bid for
13. Jack Ma will only be seen three times in public
14. April 23rd will see a significant world event happen, which will shock us all
15. England will win one game of cricket
16. Nasdaq will fall 18.9% from its 2022 high
17. Another member of the Rolling Stones will die
18. A billionaire will actually be made to pay some tax
19. CBA will reach $107.85 a share before going ex-dividend
20. Prince Andrew will settle.

Very happy with number 20, though not so happy with number 12 or number 7 as they are both more stock market related than some old pedo Prince (as Elon, now the world’s second richest man, would say).

Number 19 was another good one as CBA was trading around $99 at that time and if you add in the dividend they paid and followed my tip, then you would be drinking a 35 year old single malt.

Numbers 3, 8 and 16 were all an obvious blind freddie type of predictions and if none of you saw these three predictions happening, then you deserve to be drinking your ALDI bourbon mixed with ALDI coke.

Yes, you should feel sick.

Over the next week, I will be in a secret location, preparing my list of predictions for 2023 as we don’t want any insider trading going on and I think I already know what the first one will be.

A hangover

Now barman, another round please. I’ve got some staring to do.


The Secret Broker can be found on Twitter here @SecretBrokerAU or on email at [email protected].

Feel free to contact him with your best stock tips and ideas.