This story was originally published on D’Marge.

It’s clear already that self-isolation can make us do some weird yet wonderful things. Sure, we could take the time to focus on ourselves, improve our wellbeing, or become fitter. But where’s the fun in that?

For some guys, quarantine is so boring they’ve started cutting their own hair. Even this writer is guilty (but it needed cutting anyway, so it’s justified). For others, it’s more likely a case of “why not?” After all, there’s plenty of time for it to grow out again.

We’ve already seen some pretty horrendous results of what can happen when a man, or indeed his friend or partner, is let loose with a set of hair clippers or a pair of scissors, and so we felt it was our duty to bring you a definitive guide for cutting your hair at home.

We spoke to a couple of barbers, and they were in agreement that ultimately, you shouldn’t cut your own hair at home. Instead, you should wait until the restrictions are lifted so that when you do return to your local barbershop, the extra length will give you the opportunity to try something new.

But if you really can’t wait, then let us guide you on the path to a poster-worthy haircut, rather than one that will require you to spend the rest of lockdown with a bag over your head.

 

Tools for the job

First, you’ll want to arm yourself with a good set of clippers. Your beard trimmer or body groomer won’t suffice here, as the blades won’t be strong enough to cut through your luscious locks. Since going out to buy a set wouldn’t qualify as “essential travel”, then you’ll need to buy a set, such as this one, online.

We imagine you already will, but make sure you have a mirror – you don’t want to go into this blind – and a good set of scissors. The ones in your kitchen will probably be a little too big to manoeuvre around your head, so try and get your hands on a more manageable set.

 

Don’t try anything fancy

Now you’ve got the tools you need, how do you go about using them? Carly Flint, a hairdresser at Mardi Salon in Caringbah, Sydney – which has a dedicated upstairs space for gents – told us that you should probably avoid trying to give yourself a fade haircut, as more often than not, it won’t end well. Instead, she says you should “just use a low guard like a 2 or higher on the back and sides.”

If you’re not sure how long or short a certain guard is, always start with a higher number. You can cut it shorter if you need, but you can’t cut longer!

You should also always cut against the hair growth, which will more than likely mean you’ll need to cut upwards. Go over the same section a few times to make sure no little hairs are missed. Of course, for the easiest look to cut and maintain, you can follow in the footsteps of David Beckham and take it all off.

“For the top, drag the fringe part down and cut whatever’s annoying you or getting your eyes and leave the rest for your hairdresser when you eventually get out of isolation”

And “for our long-haired babes…”, her words, “…they can put their hair in a high point tail and then just hold the hair straight up and snip the ends.”

For neck hair and hard to reach areas like over your ears, you’ll do well to have someone help you out. This is also where you beard trimmer can come in handy. Remove the guard and tidy up the neckline. Some prefer a straight line while others are to follow the natural growth line

Now you’re armed with the equipment and the tips, we don’t expect to see any more horrendous results.

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