ASX Small Caps Lunch Wrap: Has America’s ultimate porch pirate been found this week?

It’s been a moderately good morning to be an investor today, thanks to a moderately happy start to the day for most of the sectors.

However, InfoTech is back to its old tricks again, proving to be more volatile than a UFC brawler at pre-fight presser, swinging wildly because someone said mean things about him and generally just being a bit of a dick.

I’ll get into the specifics of that shortly, but first there’s some news out of Georgia – the very state that the Devil quite famously went down to – that’s shown just how far the scourge of porch piracy has progressed.

A quick explanation for those not in the know: porch pirates are those enterprising entrepreneurial types whose side hustle involves driving around behind Amazon delivery trucks, stealing all the packages they leave by people’s front doors in the hope of snagging a box of expensive goodies before the rightful owners can get them inside.

It’s not so much of an issue in Australia, but it does happen – and to the person or persons unknown who made off with an Amazon package from my place the other week, I hope you’ve been able to make good use of the 20-pack of adult-size nappies and “enlargement kit” it contained.

However, in America, it’s become something of a national sport that has, at times, turned potentially deadly.

Important things, like several months’ supply of insulin, have been reported stolen – and the number of people being shot by irate home-delivery customers has skyrocketed since Americans realised that there’s very little chance of getting into trouble for shooting each other anymore.

But the story this week of a man in Georgia taking porch piracy to a whole new level definitely takes the cake, mostly because he wasn’t busted stealing packages.

The accused, named as Robin Swanger, was nabbed by the fuzz for stealing his neighbour’s entire porch.

“It’s a full 8′ by 10′ (2.45m x 3m) porch,” said a clearly impressed Coweta County Sheriff’s Office investigator, Chris Stapler, adding it was “very well constructed.”

In Swanger’s defence, the porch was not actually attached to a home at the time of the alleged theft – but given that he had to walk past several bright yellow ‘No Trespassing’ signs to get to it, it’s odds-on that the porch owner wanted to keep all their stuff on their side of the property line.

Also in Swanger’s defence, he doesn’t sound like the sharpest tool in the shed, because the only reason he got done for this outrageous act of porch piracy was because the cops were already on the lookout for him.

And the only reason they’d been to see him the day he got pinched was because different neighbours had called them to his home, because he’d had a bit of a row with his missus and was standing in the front yard, breaking his own windows with rocks.

He’s been charged with two counts of domestic violence including battery over the rock-throwing, and a count of felony theft for stealing the porch.

The porch’s owner has (possibly) been attempting to have the stolen porch returned to his property, but is facing hurdles getting it delivered because there’s currently nowhere for the delivery drivers to leave it.

… because it’s the porch. Geddit?

Never mind.

TO MARKETS

Local markets are up this morning, lurching 0.27% into the air in a concerted effort to put some smiles on investor’s faces today.

A goodly-sized chunk of those gains are being driven by the ever-mercurial InfoTech sector, which has taken quite a shine to the sector’s mantra of ‘move fast and break things’ – which in yesterday’s case translated to ‘plummet like a stone, and break a lot of people’s hearts’.

But today, just because, it’s up more than 2.2%, thanks to a number of our local tech heavies bulking up nicely, including WiseTech Global (ASX:WTC) gaining 3.22%, Xero (ASX:XRO) climbing 2.68% and Megaport (ASX:MP1) clawing back 2.42%.

Way out in front of the market again is the XGD All Ords Gold index, tracking 1.72% higher, with the XBK ASX 200 Banks index tagging along for the ride on 1.12%.

The best of the Big Caps this morning is Telix Pharmaceuticals (ASX:TLX), shooting up 9.81% on news that the company has managed to boost revenue by 820% to $220.8 million, thanks to the launch of Illuccix, a radioactive diagnostic agent indicated for use with positron emission tomography (PET) imaging which is popular because A) it works, and B) it doesn’t need to be topically applied.

NOT THE ASX

Speaking of which… US investors are celebrating the fact that Wall Street finally managed to drag its thumb out of its arse to post a positive result overnight, leaving the S&P 500 up by +1%, blue chips Dow Jones by +0.54%, and tech heavy Nasdaq by +1.59%.

A much anticipated report from Nvidia didn’t disappoint as the company said sales would come in at $US16 billion for the quarter, versus analyst’s estimates of just $US12.5 billion, Earlybird Eddy reported from the trenches this morning.

Nvidia’s share price rose 3%, and jumped another 7% post-hours after approving an additional US$25 billion in buybacks.

“There’s been an ongoing debate on whether Nvidia is even more important to the broad trajectory of markets than Fed Chair Powell’s comments from Jackson Hole on Friday,” said Quincy Krosby, chief global strategist at LPL Financial.

In other stock news, shoes are gonna get pricier because Foot Locker sank almost 30% after the company cut its forecast, citing “price sensitive consumers”. But tissue-thin low-quality  T-shirts are back in vogue, after Abercrombie & Fitch Co surged 23% as its full year earnings smashed estimates.

In Japan, the Nikkei is up 0.42% on news that yet another sex pest has been nabbed by police.

It’s not really news, but I feel compelled to point out the headline Japan Today put on the story – “Man arrested for allegedly sexually assaulting woman in bicycle parking area” – is the clumsiest euphemism I’ve ever read.

In China, Shanghai markets are down 0.14%, largely because they’re in China, while in Hong Kong the markets have climbed 1.0% this morning after everyone remembered that Hong Kong, technically, isn’t.

ASX SMALL CAP WINNERS

Here are the best performing ASX small cap stocks for 24 August [intraday]:

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Top of the Tiny Pops this morning is Black Mountain Energy (ASX:BME), up 33.33% on news that the company’s now cash-richer by around $10.7 million, following the sale of 100% of its acreage and its title and interest in the MIA 64 FEE 2H well in the Permian basin.

It’s the kind of deal that would have any house-flipper worth their salt salivating into the wee hours of the morning, given that BME dropped about US$2 million for the site in January of this year, spent about US$1.4 million poking around the project, before off-loading it for a weirdly precise US$6,873,308 this week.

I’ll save you the hassle of trying to run the numbers in your head – it’s a 102% profit.

In second place, Raiden Resources (ASX:RDN) is up 35.18% this morning, carrying on its climb from yesterday that has pushed the company’s trading price from $0.012 to $0.025.

That’s thanks to news that the company has found swarms of outcropping and interpreted pegmatites of up to 30m width at surface at Raiden’s Andover South project, right next door to one of the market’s larger current darlings, Azure Minerals (ASX:AZS).

And in third place (not counting teensy tiny stocks moving because somebody looked at them funny), it’s Errawarra Resources (ASX:ERW), up 20.1% today on news that it’s finished flying a helicopter over its E47/4352 tenement in the West Pilbara region of Western Australia.

It’s not exactly startling news – but given that Errawarra’s tenement is next door and along strike from the Azure/Raiden pegmatite finds, it makes sense that investors with a solid sense of of geography and geology are piling in today.

ASX SMALL CAP LOSERS

Here are the most-worst performing ASX small cap stocks for 02 August [intraday]:

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