ASX Small Caps Lunch Wrap: Who’s feeling massively creeped out by the naked witches in their garden last night?
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The good news is that local markets opened 0.4% higher this morning. The somewhat inevitable news is that it lasted all of two hours, and we are right back where we started.
I reckon it’s time we sit the ASX down and have a looong, boring talk about stuff like “motivation”, “personal goals” and “how far it’s about to feel my foot up its backside unless it starts taking this stuff seriously.”
But before we get to that, there’s some genuinely creepy news from Canada – the nice part of North America where everyone’s super-polite (except for the French bit), moose roam the countryside freely to bathe in pools of maple syrup, and, I’m told, it literally rains lithium at least 10 days out of every calendar month.
The wilderness of Canada is especially appealing to nature lovers, like 36-year-old nurse Corinea Stanhope, from Powell River, British Columbia.
An avid observer of all things bright and beautiful (and all creatures great and small), Stanhope told local reporters that she set up a “trail cam” a couple of minutes’ walk from her home, after coming across a deer carcass in a garden on her property.
Stanhope explained that she set up the camera to grab some photos of any animals that might come sniffing around the carcass… things like bobcats, bears, or the extremely rare variety of carnivorous moose known locally as Jon Favreau.
So you can imagine her surprise when her 76-year-old grandfather Bob dropped by to check the trail cam, and reported that it had snapped photos of two mostly naked and very disheveled “witches”, apparently feasting on the carcass.
And here’s a picture.
“You can’t really tell from the photos, but the hoof was brought right up to her mouth,” Stanhope told Fox 11 News. “I don’t know if she was kissing it, smelling or eating it, but to touch a decaying carcass like that makes me feel sick.”
“Maybe they were paying their respects, but they were naked,” she added.
To her credit, Stanhope decided not to call police to report it, after assuming it was either some sort of prank, or the pair were just on some “really good drugs”.
Social media, naturally, went berserk when Stanhope posted the images online, with all manner of theories ranging from the pair being “skinwalkers” or “wendingos” – malevolent supernatural entities from Native American folklore – through to your garden-variety Satanists out in search of rotting flesh to consume.
For what it’s worth, my money’s on the “good drugs” theory – mostly because all of the Satanists I know dress a lot better than those two.
And on that note, here’s what’s been happening on the impeccably-dressed Aussie markets today.
Local markets opened with a +0.4% boost this morning, but The Good Times were definitely over, with the benchmark sliding gracelessly back to zero by the time the lunch bell started to ring.
Health Care is leading the sector race for the day so far, adding 0.80% before lunch, with InfoTech (0.61%) and Consumer Discretionary (+0.52%) giving chase.
Dragging severely, though, are Energy stocks, with that sector farting out a -1.1% effort this morning – which is weird, because two of today’s Top 3 Small Caps are gassies… which I’ll get to in a minute.
Those of you who’ve been hanging around the market for long enough will not be at all surprised to see that the Goldies are safe-haven surging (again), after the RBA put rates up (again) yesterday arvo.
The XGD All Ords Gold index is up 0.6%, and the XTX ASX All Tech index isn’t far behind it on +0.53%.
In the US overnight, things were a bit mixed up, resulting in the S&P 500 closing +0.24% higher, and tech heavy Nasdaq falling by -0.21%.
Earlybird Eddy reports that the S&P 500 index “once again flirted with a bull market, defined as a rise of 20% or more over at least a two-month period”, but – like the rookie matador it is – it appears to have decided that discretion is the better part of valour, and hoofed it back to the change sheds.
Microchip stocks like AMD and Intel climbed higher, while Apple slid -0.2% after touching an all-time high yesterday as it unveiled the new Apple Migraine Maker 9000 to a near-deafening round of utter indifference from consumers.
In Japan, the Nikkei is down 1.44%, on news that the local branch of America’s Favourite Diabetes and Congestive Heart Failure Provider – Krispy Kreme – has branched out into the world of distilling.
The company, famous for donuts that are – admittedly – the very best combination of sugar, flour and aggressively-rendered animal fats in existence, is using leftovers from its donut making process to flavour a new variety of gin.
So… that’s why the Nikkei’s down. Because everyone in Japan is drunk on donut gin, and have completely run out of effs to give about the market today.
Meanwhile in China, Shanghai markets are flatter than a blacked-out Japanese Salaryman, while Hong Kong’s Hang Seng is up 0.9% for some reason.
In CryptoLand, things are – as they say in nearly all of the Ancient Greek classics I laboured through in Year 12 – ”a bit s..t”.
Crypto exchange Coinbase fell another -12% after falling -9% in the previous session, after the SEC’s chief goon Gary “I don’t care what you’re doing, unless I can fine you for it” Gensler turned at least one of his awkward chameleon-esque eyes towards crypto exchange Coinbase.
Coinbase has been for operating as an unregistered securities exchange, broker and clearing agency, which isn’t really a surprise – Gensler’s had a hard-on for extracting huge fines from exchanges since forever, and it just happens to be Coinbase’s turn in the barrel today.
But, despite looking like someone has forcefully thrust a tadpole into a human skin suit, Gensler’s actually a busy little toad at the moment… he’s also gunning for super-slick Binance CEO we all know as C “CZ” Z.
CZ’s staring deep into the eyes of some pretty serious charges from the SEC, alleging they misled investors about internal controls, secretly allowed customer funds to commingle, and diverted customer funds “as they please”.
First SBF’s FTX, now CZ?
This madness will only stop when we run out of letters, or Gensler finishes morphing into his final form – which I really hope is a carnivorous moose, because that’s stuck in my head right now and I cannot stop laughing.
Here are the best performing ASX small cap stocks for June 7 [intraday]:
Swipe or scroll to reveal full table. Click headings to sort:
Right up the tippy top of the morning’s Small Cap winners is gas exploration minnow Sacgasco (ASX:SGC), which has blown the doors off the market with a 133.33% jump this morning on news that someone sent them a letter.
It’s not just any letter, though – it’s a Letter of Intent from PNOC Exploration Corporation for drilling of the Cadlao 4 well and an Extended Well Test (EWT) as the first stage of redevelopment of the Cadlao Oil Field.
This seems to have excited investors quite a bit, pushing Sacgasco – via its wholly-owned subsidiary, Nido Petroleum Philippines – past the super-small $8 million market cap marker this morning.
In second place, it’s another tiny gassy, thanks to Global Oil & Gas (ASX:GLV) blasting out its own 54.5% rise this morning, after it revealed it’s been offered the rights to a 4,858km2 oil and gas block in proven hydrocarbon bearing basins offshore Peru, boarding the prolific (+1.6 Billion Barrels produced) Talara basin.
Global says it’s geared up to initialise formal agreements with Peruvian national oil regulator Perupetro, paving the way for Global and its US based partner Jaguar Exploration to claim a 100% interest in the block, split 80% to Global and 20% to Jaguar.
And in third spot this morning it’s Metalsgrove Mining (ASX:MGA), up a solid 40% off the back of news that surface sampling has identified multiple high priority carbonatite and REE bearing drill targets for the upcoming maiden drill program at its rare earths and copper-gold Bruce prospect in the NT.
Metalsgrove is reporting a “high percentage of valuable magnetic and heavy rare earth elements including up to 1,800 ppm TREO, 38% HREO/TREO, 31% MREO/TREO, 23% NdPr/TREO, 23% Y2O3/TREO”, along with a “confirmed” and “significant” copper-gold & base metals anomaly.
Here are the most-worst performing ASX small cap stocks for June 7 [intraday]:
Swipe or scroll to reveal full table. Click headings to sort: