Australian markets have opened higher this morning, thanks to a rally on Wall Street overnight and totally not because Kanye West is trying to buy a social media platform.

That’s right, folks… Kanye’s in talks to follow in the footsteps of Elon Musk by buying a social media platform as a form of tantrum protest about Free Speech or something.

According to news out of the US, West – who is now called “Ye”, because it’s easier to spell – has approached right-wing social media platform Parler with an offer to buy it, after he was locked out of the less-right-wing Instagram and Twitter platforms after going “Full Goebbels” and making a lot of people very unhappy.

“This deal will change the world, and change the way the world thinks about free speech. Ye is making a groundbreaking move into the free speech media space and will never have to fear being removed from social media again,” Parler CEO George Farmer said.

Because Parler, quite famously, doesn’t ban people for expressing their views, no matter how foul.

Oh wait, yes it does. #eyeroll

Anyhow… on the one hand, the right thing to do in this current Ye situation is to recognise that we’re watching a man with obvious mental health issues have a spectacularly public fall from grace.

But the days of being able to hide behind the “But He’s A Musical Genius” excuse have gone the way of both The Dodo and R Kelly. So it’s impossible to ignore that this is just another bizarre move from a man who famously had the world at his feet, and is in the process of binning it harder than Jack Miller’s Ducati at the Australian leg of the MotoGP on Sunday.

Whether Ye or Kanye or West or whatever it is he’s calling himself today will end up going through with the deal remains to be seen, especially considering he’s been dumped by JP Morgan as a banking client.

And there’s a chance that he could end up in a similar situation to another Free Speech-obsessed billionaire, Elon Musk, who hated being told he’s an idiot by millions of people so much, he also bought the platform. Kind of.

Musk’s simultaneous attempt to buy Twitter and back out of the deal at the same time is not just a threat to our existence by tearing the very fabric of space-time apart, though.

Knowing Musk’s luck, the constant oscillation of the deal between those two states of being is highly likely to end up being harnessed as a Quantum Deal Flux Energy Generator that will see him able to power (and hence, own) the entire planet by 2029.

Although we doubt even Elon’s silly enough to want to buy Parler – because who in their right mind would want to own two complete cesspits?

Speaking of buying things, let’s take a look at what’s happening on the ASX this morning, before we get bought by Ye and put to work stitching incredibly ugly $380 sneakers for $4 a week.

 

TO MARKETS

Aussie markets have opened up with a bang this morning, jumping 1.3% when the morning bell rang out and maintaining altitude and attitude as we cruise towards lunch.

Rather perversely, it’s only the Energy sector that’s lacking drive this morning, sagging to a -0.86% drag after China announced plans to increase its annual energy production to more than 4.6 billion tonnes of standard coal, according to deputy director of the National Energy Administration, Ren Jingdong.

The rest of the market, however, is ignoring China and sailing blissfully through International Waters of Making Money.

Real Estate (+2.58%) and InfoTech (+2.83%) – okay… maybe we’re not totally ignoring China – are leading the way this morning, with Telcos (+1.73%) and Financials (+1.87%) not too far behind.

Up in the nosebleed seats of Super Serious Business, and HUB24 (ASX:HUB) is on a 12.5% jag this morning on the heels of a Q1 FY23 market update published this morning.

HUB24 announced that its Total Funds Under Administration (FUA) is at $68.4 billion as at 30 September 2022, comprising Platform FUA of $52.4 billion (up 15.4% on pcp) and Portfolio, Administration and Reporting Services (PARS) FUA of $16.0 billion (down 9.9% on pcp due to market movement).

Meanwhile, Telix Pharmaceuticals (ASX:TLX) has climbed 6.26% after preliminary results from two trials have indicated that two separate investigator-initiated studies of TLX250-CDx in triple negative breast cancer and non-muscle-invasive bladder cancer look set to support Telix’s goal to rapidly expand the CAIX program into other indications beyond kidney cancer.

Time for a quick lap of the rest of the world to see what’s going on there.

 

NOT THE ASX

In the US, Wall Street has turned in a solid performance overnight, following news out of the UK that new UK chancellor Jeremy Hunt scrapped almost all of the mini budget tax cuts announced by his predecessor Kwasi Kwarteng, including plans to cut the basic rate of income tax from 20% to 19% from next April.

US markets took that as a sign of much-needed stability from Britain, where recently-appointed PM Dobby the House Elf remains in a fight for its political survival amid growing calls to step down for the sake of the nation.

Intrepid reporter Eddy Sunarto reports that all three major indices in the US rallied after a fall on Friday, with the S&P 500 up by 2.65%, the Dow climbing 1.86% and Nasdaq rising 3.43%, as yields softened and more encouraging US banks earnings were reported.

In Asia, Japan’s Nikkei is also on the rise, climbing 0.86% as the sun rises over the Land of the Rising Sun, and we’re waiting to see if Hong Kong and Shanghai can improve on yesterday’s +1.11% and +0.85% respective gains.

In commodities, oil prices are largely flat, up by just 0.06% while everything else is feeling market pressures.

Gas has fallen 0.95%, gold is down 0.4%, silver has dropped 0.37% and copper has dipped 0.32%.

In Crypto Kindergarten – where the money’s as real as the imaginary cakes that horrible Wilson girl sold you yesterday which were probably what made you feel sick this morning because she never, ever washes her hands – BTC and ETH have climbed 1.73% and 2.22% in the past 24 hours.

The big news there, though, is the market’s impending “explosive move” as the altcoins’ collective market cap continues to wind itself up in a “terminal pattern”, which “means something” to a lot of “crypto enthusiasts”.

Rob “$20 each way on Number 6 in the 4th, thanks love” Badman says that something is about to happen, and has more details about it over at Mooners & Shakers, which you should probably read, because it’s really good and Rob’s a lovely bloke. Truly.

 

ASX SMALL CAP WINNERS

Here are the best performing ASX small cap stocks for October 18 [intraday]:

Swipe or scroll to reveal full table. Click headings to sort:

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Leading our Small Caps winners this morning is the hugely unlikely Toys’R’Us (ASX:TOY), which has stacked on more than 30% this morning for no discernible reason whatsoever – not even a new batch of Hot Wheels or anything. Weird.

Also climbing the charts this morning is Burgundy Diamond Mines (ASX:BDM), up 17% after it released an investor presentation which… didn’t say much at all, really.

The major takeaway from the slideshow is that BDM is currently sitting on around $15 million in rough and polished stones, many of which are a very rare, fancy orange colour.

And Larvotto has added a healthy 18.1% this morning on the back of a recent announcement concerning the commencement of a geophysical survey at its epithermal gold project in New Zealand, which contains a large existing gold mineralisation endowment.

However, absolutely bricking it this morning (again) is Hawsons Iron (ASX:HIO), down another 28.5% today on the back of a steeeeeep sell-off yesterday which has the company down almost 75% for the week.

 

ASX SMALL CAP LOSERS

Here are the most-worst performing ASX small cap stocks for October 18 [intraday]:

Swipe or scroll to reveal full table. Click headings to sort:

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