Stealing from the Louvre? In this economy, go for it

In a time when major corporations are being hacked, grandmothers are being targeted by romance scammers and AI is making it harder to tell fact from fiction, this jewellery heist has highlighted just how great the real world actually is.

These criminals, disguised as tradies, aren’t trying to flog us supplements on TikTok or get us to buy into some tiered marketing scheme on Instagram or infect our minds with misinformation on Facebook. No, they went out and executed a large-scale, nonviolent crime and then disappeared.

“They pulled themselves up by their bootstraps and went out and stole some s–t from rich people the old-fashioned way. Those are the real men and providers,” summarised an X post that has been liked and shared thousands of times.

It’s an event that couldn’t get more analogue, yet it has lit up and captivated the internet for close to a week, spawning everything from hilarious memes, hot takes on TikTok, tips for the police and even Spotify playlists.

Who would have predicted a major crime could bring out our collective humanity?

@nukisss

#louvre #thieves #paris

♬ оригинальный звук – satievaraushan

The overwhelming consensus – a rarity on social media these days – is that this well-planned and executed burglary is exactly what our divided world needs right now.

Despite causing national embarrassment for France, it has evoked a universal sense of whimsy.

Unlike the hysteria around Luigi Mangione, the alleged killer of UnitedHealthcare boss Brian Thompson, and the NBA’s match fixing and mafia scandal, the Louvre heist – where $150m worth of crown jewels were stolen in a brazen, daylight robbery – is being filed away in the public conscientious as a “victimless crime”.

@lily0e

I’m happy to be in Paris! #Louvre #louvremuseum #louvrerobbery #paris #haul

♬ original sound – Lily Olsen

“No one got hurt. It could’ve gone real bad, really bad, but they just got in and got out and no one got hurt. You’d say it’s the perfect victimless crime,” stated just one of the millions of short-form videos uploaded to platforms such as TikTok and Instagram.

The high-vis clad thieves smashed a window near the Apollo wing of the gallery and nabbed a range of emerald and diamond jewels that once adorned Napoleon’s wives. They fled on scooters after breaking in as the museum opened at a, civilised, 9.30am.

It wouldn’t shock followers of this story to also learn the crew stopped off for a croissant and cafe au lait as they got away.

French media has estimated the whole event took less than seven minutes. The robbers escaped – practically in slow motion – using a furniture lift which was stolen from a town called Louvre nine days earlier.

France’s culture minister was quick to say security had failed at the world-renowned tourist attraction where the crime took place just steps from the Mona Lisa.

Thanks Inspector Clouseau.

Interior Minister Laurent Nunez said on Friday that there are more than 100 investigators on the case.

Who needs Interpol or the FBI, send in the Swifties.

A movement so accustomed to solving mysteries and finding hidden “Easter eggs” in nearly every single element of the singer’s life and work would be the best people to take the lead on this one.

One viral TikTok video made the observation that if Swift promised to release her famous “vault tracks” her dedicated fans would find the jewels in less than 24 hours.

“Hold my Diet Coke, we’ve got this. Twenty-four hours? Pfft. Give us 6,” they jokingly suggested.

@theguyset

Who’s driving the getaway car #taylorswift #louvre #swifties

♬ original sound – Guyset

Swift’s song, Getaway Car, also features on a virtual mix tape inspired by the heist, called “the seven minute louvre heist”.

The Spotify playlist runs for just three songs, including The Louvre by New Zealand’s Lorde, and has chalked up close to 2000 “saves” in a few hours.

As back-up, other users suggested, send in Jackson Lamb, Gary Oldman’s brilliant, rude and flatulent character from Slow Horses.

“To solve it, we need an unshaven, overweight, washed-out detective who’s in the middle of divorce. A functioning alcoholic who the rest of the department hates,” X users chimed in.

Forget the stars of the Ocean’s film series and their sophisticated means, times are tough and this event has solidified the universal experiences of crushing cost of living and bad news fatigue.

We’re now living and rooting for these real-life Robin Hoods, one edit at a time.

This article first appeared in The Australian as Stealing from the Louvre? In this economy, go for it