Tuesday. The day when the grind of the week is well and truly entrenched, and the weekend is just a wistful speck in the distance, beckoning us forward, inch by dreadful inch, with promises of sleeping late, fishing adventures and absolutely nothing worth watching on free-to-air TV.

But fret not, my weary friend… because now is as good a time as any to unbuckle that belt, breathe a sigh of relief and let it all hang out in front of a crackling fire and let me regale you with tales of mirth and money, from what’s been happening on the markets and elsewhere, while you’ve been otherwise occupied.

 

FROM THE HEADLINES

I know it’s wrong to kick someone when they’re down… but it’s now Day 105 of KanyeWatch (2022 edition), and today’s news is that the man who puts the C back into Rap has been ousted by his talent agency for hating on Jewish people.

If only Ye had taken advice from Kiss bassist and all-round gross human being Gene Simmons, who suggested a few days ago that West “surround himself with nice people” – which is terrible advice, because it’s always the nice people who get hurt the most when there’s an angry weirdo in the room.

Although, if you’re at a stage in your life where you’re accepting life coaching from Gene Simmons, it’s odds-on that you’re so deep in a hole that people would eventually make four completely separate films about you, which is arguably about five too many.

 

FROM THE MARKETS

So, the battle between Demetallica (DRM) and AIC Mines (ASX:A1M) is hotting up today, after AIC’s extremely subtle attempt at subliminal marketing didn’t quite have the impact that it desired.

That’s why, at 2.49pm yesterday, A1C did the hostile takeover equivalent of throwing off the boxing gloves to go Bare Knuckle Brawling, announcing that its attempt to buy up all the DRM shares it can has been declared “fully unconditional”.

If this were a WWE wrestling match, the camera would be panning out over the crowd, which would in turn be completely losing its shit… I’m talking people screaming, grabbing and pawing at each other, the works… and then, the camera would find one, lone person standing stock still, mouth agape in shock with a beer halfway to their lips.

Sadly, it’s not quite that exciting to look at – but it is causing a bit of a ruction. DRM initially casually mentioned to the ASX that A1M had – apparently and allegedly – failed to file the correct paperwork in the right folder with just the right number of paperclips attached.

I assume there was something of a scramble at the A1M offices, the fax machines were dialled up to 11 and then… “Oh, It Is On, Baby Part 2: Come Get Some More” was distributed to select theatres.

There are more spanners in the works, though – with DRM announcing a few things that truly do deserve a mention, now that the bid is unconditional:

“AIC will not need to attain minimum acceptances of 50.1% and may end up with a shareholding substantially less than 50.1% in Demetallica,” DRM said.

“The implications of this are outlined in AIC’s Bidder’s Statement. As at the time of the announcement, AIC had only procured acceptances of 7.73% of the shares in Demetallica.”

DRM followed that up with: “Demetallica shareholders who accept the offer will forego the opportunity to retain their Demetallica shares in circumstances where they originally accepted an offer conditional upon 50.1% of all shares in Demetallica accepting the offer.”

“The Bidder’s Statement acknowledged that AIC retained the right to waive the conditions to its offer, however once it does so, Demetallica shareholders will not have the luxury of keeping their Demetallica shares in circumstances where AIC does not have control of Demetallica, and will only hold shares in AIC.”

That all sounds terribly serious… but with A1M clearly on the warpath and DRM playing some admirably solid defensive strokes, this could drag on for a while yet, so we’ll keep you posted.

Elsewhere, tons of other stuff happened but I’m out of time. Sorry. If it’s something super-juicy, I’ll tell ta tomorrow. Promise.

 

TRADING HALTS

 

Widgie Nickel (ASX:WIN) – Widgie’s got Scoping Study results from its Mount Edwards Project. Spoiler alert: I know Edwards quite well, and the results of mounting him are either delightful children, or a sustained burst of flatulence that sounds like a far-off flugelhorn, playing D Minor.

Rent.com.au (ASX:RNT) – Capital Raise, as if rents weren’t high enough already. Sheesh.

Theta Gold Mines (ASX:TGM) – Cappy cappy, cap cap, capital raaaaaaaaise. Tada!

Noble Helium (ASX:NHE) – Oh, Noble Helium… Most Noble of Allll the Heliums… Tie thyself to more Capital, so that it may be Raised by your Bouyancy and your coffers are filled with Fungible, Foldable Fiat Funds. (It’s a capital raise).

Clean TeQ Water (ASX:CNQ) – CNQ is raising capital as well. I don’t blame them. All the cool kids are doing it.

FOS Capital (ASX:FOS) – FOS Capital is Raising Capital so that it has more Capital. Capital.

Breaker Resources (ASX:BRB) – Breaker breaker, Big Buddy. Breaker has breaking news about a sales transaction, and the company will BRB once it’s ready to release the details. 10-4, over and out.

QMines (ASX:QML) – Qmines is holding an equity raise by way of a placement, to fund further mining for the second most rare letter in the English alphabet. In the meantime, “Kw” will be a suitable substitute until stocks are replenished.

Neurotech International (ASX:NTI) – Neurotech is hosting a capital raise… but first, there’s news regarding 20 week data from its ongoing phase I/II clinical trial. That’s a combo that bodes well.

 

(Disclaimer: there are jokes in this bit, but the real reason for the trading halt is in there, too. Any confusion, assume that bit is just me trying to be funny. Any questions or complaints, email me – not my boss – so I don’t get in trouble. Again. Thanks – GS)