How do I say this without losing self-respect? Or your respect dear reader, from one ‘who neither begs nor fears your favors, nor your hate.’

I just do.

And so it with magnificent indifference I come to tell you that the inventor of sex-tape economics, Kim Kardashian, has made this stunning announcement via Twitter, turning the world of private equity upside down at the push of a button:

Wait. Sorry. Not that one.

Here we go… upending private equity across the globe as we know it:

God dammit. Here we go:

Oh come on, her bottom is showing!

Look, the lady who does heaps of reality TV and decided to marry Kanye West is moving into equity investing with a dude from Carlyle.

It makes enormous sense and will probably make enormous cents. Ah. Found it:

She’s the one standing there with no expression, wondering what the hell is happening.

It doesn’t take a giant leap of imagination to see how this works.

Kardashian might be very successfully coming across as a vapid and amoral representation of The 21st Century’s Fall of Rome, but these people are tapping into the very wellspring of revenue. And profit doesn’t judge.

Had to look this up via Cosmo myself, but last year, thanks to a combo of KKW Beauty, Skims, TV shows, endorsements, and whatever innumerable investments a stock could poke at, Miss Kardashian burst onto the official Forbes billionaire list.

After launching Skims in 2019, Kardashian (41) has watched that baby go utterly crazy-pants and probably secures her billionaire status all on its own. Skims is called shapewear and that’s a business which recently doubled in value, with a market cap circa US$3.1bn.

In January, Forbes says her personal numbers were in the US$1.8 billion stratosphere.

The details of some of her business and TV ventures are still shrouded in mystery. But thanks to what we know about KKW Beauty and Skims, they’ve absolutely made her millions. All the other projects don’t even come close to how much she makes with those two.

“I’m pleased to announce the launch of @SKKYPartners with private equity veteran Jay Sammons as co-founder and co-managing partner,” Kardashian or the people who do that for her wrote on Twitter.

In some other promising news for investors, Kardashian – or the people who do that for her – added that her mum, Kris Jenner, would be coming along on the gravy train as a partner.

It appears many of you will need to be getting an Instagram account as, according to the new firm’s Insta account, SKKY Partners will focus on investments in consumer and media companies in sectors including “consumer products, digital and e-commerce, consumer media, hospitality and luxury”.

That’s a lot more than what the official website says. Over there it seems they’ve chosen a colour scheme (various questionable shades of green) but not much else.


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But honestly, WTFDIK?

Back in 2016, Cosmo says she – or the people who do that – put out a kind of mobile phone game which looks like some kind of Russian-backed scheme to secretly influence Western teenagers how to be utter vacuous bastards.

Via Insta

Turns out Kim Kardashian: Hollywood pulled in such a vast flood of cash that she ended up on the cover of Forbes in anticipation of her future status.

She’s no mug.

In 2020, Ms Kardashian sold 20% of KKW Beauty to the publicly listed Coty for US$200 million.

The ultimate influencer, who came to notoriety on the internet and to fame as the star of “Keeping Up With the Kardashians”, has leveraged her megastar gravitational pull to generate untold millions in a consumer sector so incredibly discretionary it really demands its own niche.

Here she’s pulling in a few buds from Victoria’s Secret to help flog more stuff.

Photo: @candiceswanepoel/Instagram

Apparently this was big – a Victoria’s Secret supermodel campaign featuring Tyra Banks, Alessandra Ambrosio, Candice Swanepoel and Heidi Klum.

Among other highlights of KK’s business career is when Skims ate the market share of its main rival Spanx, via a collaboration with Fendi, wherein all the products sold out within 60 seconds.

Skims also partnered with Team USA at the Tokyo Olympics to design an exclusive range for the country’s athletes.

I could go on, literally forever.

But the main point is that this is happening, and with 53,000 followe- no wait, 62,000 follow- no, wait 67,500 Insta followers at SKKY, everyone in the SH newsroom is in for every dollar we can find.