LAST ORDERS: Come and warm yourself by the crackling dumpster fire of another Wednesday
Hump Day! Who doesn’t love a crazy old Hump Day? Because this one seems to have been a bit manic for a number of people – which means that there’s likely to have been a few tidbits and stories that you missed.
So, pull up a milk crate in the glow of our dumpster fire, get comfy and relax as we bring the best of the rest of the news from today.
A lot of people had a lot of stuff to say about crypto’s FTX craptacular implosion – it turns out that many, many people have lost many, many invisible moneycoin things that had no intrinsic value, but still cost a lot of money.
For scalpel-sharp commentary, let’s turn to Twitter user Chris Bakke, who is mourning the real victims here.
Pretty unbelievable that people here are making fun of the VCs that backed FTX.
At the end of the day, we have to keep in mind that these are real people with fourth and fifth homes to pay for.
Praying for them.
— Chris Bakke (@ChrisJBakke) November 9, 2022
I was hoping to bring news from the ongoing custard pie fight of the US midterm elections, but at the moment it is utter chaos, with the all-important fight for control of the US Senate too close to call.
Instead, we’ll quickly circle back to our story of the rando who won so much money on the Powerball overnight that they are probably dead of a heart attack, clutching the winning ticket in a cruel, cold dead man’s grip.
The size of the jackpot had just about everyone looking for ways to win, including perennial Twitter favourite @CramerTracker, whose diligent watch over CNBC Investing Club host Jim Cramer means that the rest of us don’t have to sit and be yelled at by a gaunt chameleon dressed in a suit made of human skin about stocks and stuff.
The “inverse Cramer” thing isn’t new – Jim Cramer is frequently and hilariously wrong with his ‘absolute lock’ stock picks – but this pre-Powerball twist on the wonderful trope was just glorious.
Jim, question for you. Are there 6 numbers that you think have absolutely no chance of winning the powerball?
— Inverse Cramer ETF (Not Jim Cramer) (@CramerTracker) November 7, 2022
And in news that has nothing to do with markets or politics but is still completely and utterly baffling, comes these two quick bites:
From Wisconsin, the spiritual home of cheese and drink driving, comes news that a nurse has amputated a patient’s foot without consent, so that she could display it at a taxidermy shop run by her parents.
The 68-year-old patient was, naturally, hopping mad. #ISaidWhatISaid.
And from Florida, the spiritual home of gross stupidity, comes a report of a man who – two seconds, I need to check this is real…
Wow. Okay, so – Florida man wanted to take a handgun onto a commercial flight, which is obviously a massive no-no. To disguise the weapon, the man purchased a raw chicken, stuffed the firearm inside the bird and attempted to carry that onto the aircraft.
Because bringing a dead chicken onto a plane is clearly totally normal behaviour and is 100% guaranteed not to raise suspicions at all.
And with that all out of our systems, let’s see what you might have missed on the markets today.
Who knew that a Wednesday could be quite so chaotic? Good news is, though, that local markets appear to have bumbled along happily regardless, and a lot of people just kept doing business stuff, and kept on telling us all about it.
Well, you do now. The deal is done, and it seems everyone involved is pretty happy about it, no doubt for their own special reasons.
The interesting news for Tamboran is that not only has the company snapped up Origin’s piece of the puzzle, leaving TBN holding the largest consolidated position in the deepest section of the Beetaloo Basin, which makes everyone at TBN very, very brave, because the deep bits are where all the monsters live. Everyone knows that…
Victory Offices (ASX:VOL), meanwhile, is definitely not celebrating today. It has been suspended from trading after the company went into voluntary administration.
The suspension caps a truly horrifying few days for Victory founder Dan Baxter, whose literal hole in the ground where a home should be in Melbourne’s super-swanky suburb of Toorak was unloaded by administrators for a song – 16% less than its last purchase price in 2018, and close to a 20% kick in the pants below the $15 million belt for Baxter.
The site is a for-real pile of rubble in a crater, as it was halfway through being demolished to make way for a new 5-bedder luxury Baxter Pad, before the wheels came off the office chairs completely and both the money and the music stopped.
And lastly, there’s another Victorian in the news, this time for a positive reason: Genetic Technologies (ASX:GTG) has sporting a major feather in its cap following publication of a validation study evaluating the performance of its geneType ovarian cancer test.
The 10 year prospective cohort study utilised data from more than 190,000 women, producing a paper titled “A combined clinical and genetic model for predicting risk of ovarian cancer” that appeared in the highly prestigious European Journal of Cancer Prevention.
The paper’s highlights include:
It’s a big deal for any BioTech to be included in a highly-regarded journal, especially with results to illustrate the success from the hard work being carried out by its research team.
3iQ CoinShares Bitcoin Feeder ETF – In a halt pending an announcement of some sort.
3iQ CoinShares Ether Feeder ETF – Samesies!
Jervois Global (ASX:JRV) – Equity raising.
Accelerate Resources (ASX:AX8) – Capital raising.
Elixir Energy (ASX:EXR) – Elixir’s got an announcement in connection with the contingent resource booking for its 100% owned Queensland asset ATP 2044.
iTech Minerals (ASX:ITM) – Capital raising.
West Cobar Metals (ASX:WC1) – Capital raising.
Structural Monitoring Systems (ASX:SMN) – Interesting news for SMN regarding a purchase order from a commercial airline.