In the city of Rotterdam lies the King’s Harbour. And looming over that harbour is the Koningshaven Bridge.

It is a thing of genuine architectural and engineering beauty. Built in 1927, knocked over by those dreadful Nazi chaps in 1940 and rebuilt after the war, it has weathered time (and the weather) ever since.

The Rotterdam locals are, for obvious reasons, quite attached to it. They love it so much, they gave it the nickname “De Hef” – which, as we understand it, is Dutch for “The Hef”.

Not really. It means “The Lift”. Because it’s got a bit in the middle that lifts like the skirts of a lady of loose morals, in the event that a large ship needs to get from the harbour on one side, to the ocean on the other.

Here’s the thing… on the banks of that harbour, there’s a ship builder, Oceanco in Alblasserdam – and in that company’s shipyard, there is a yacht.

It’s no ordinary yacht.

It’s better than a super yacht, and bigger than a mega yacht.

In fact, it’s so mind-bogglingly huge, we reckon it deserves the mantle of Super-Ultra-Mega Yacht. Because it’s big and dumb and ugly and we secretly wish we had one of our own.

Anyway… this particular nautical behemoth belongs to a certain fella called Jeff, whose level of wealth is so obscene that he’s dropped $650 million on it, and probably didn’t even notice it leaving his bank account.

This is, after all, the man who spent more than that per minute to climb aboard a rocket-powered cock, just so he could float fruitlessly in what he called “space” and the rest of called “WTF, man – space is heaps further away than that”.

But we’re getting off track, here.

The reason for all this talk of bridges and boats and a-holes, is an enormous schadenfreude strudel so large, it could end world famine and put Bono out of a job (and us out of our misery) for good.

See, the boat’s too tall to fit under the bridge, and when Little Jeff demanded it be taken apart to let it through, the City of Rotterdam has said “that’s a no from us, dawg”.

Which leaves our mate Jeff B some $650 million in the hole for a foul display of wealth that might ever only be used to motor mournfully in tiny circles in front of the bemused dock workers of Rotterdam, bobbing like a buoyant no. 2 on the very chests of the working class.

It couldn’t have happened to a nicer bloke, really.

TO MARKETS

The ASX 200 has had a bloody good morning, flying in the face of a sad and soggy effort from Wall Street overnight.

Across the market sectors, things are greener than Greta Thunberg except, rather ironically, the Energy and Materials mob, which have insisted on pooping in the party punchbowl, down 2.15% and 0.94% respectively.

Biggest winner for the morning among the Billion-Plus market cap mob was Imugene (ASX:IMU).

The company has named a new Executive Director and Clinical Scientist, Dr Sharon Yavrom, who will most likely be feeling like the cat what’s been in the cream, after the market greeted her arrival with a 14% surge in price.

Big Ticket losers for the day were New Hope (ASX:NHC), which fell more than 3.0% on no readily identifiable news.

Likewise, Betashares Nasdaq 100 ETF (ASX:NDQ) has ejected 3.71%, probably because of Wall Street, and possibly because the Final Distribution Announcement it put out yesterday used a really, really tiny font and some people find that infuriating.

NOT THE ASX

As we’ve already mentioned, Wall Street refused to play ball last night. The Nasdaq fell 1.33%, the S&P lost 0.88% and the Dow trailed behind like a lame llama in Lima, down 0.83%.

Of note in the US market was a substantial fall for automakers and parts manufacturers General Motors and Borgwarner, both down more than 5.0%, while Carnival Cruises continued to take on water, sinking (heh) another 2.5%.

In Asia, things were also really not all that great. The Nikkei is down 0.88%, Hong Kong has dipped 0.62%, and the Shanghai market is flat enough to wrap around a Peking Duck.

To commodities, and oil is up a little today, adding 0.11% – but the big story is natural gas, which has climbed 5.22%, after Freeport LNG announced that its massive export plant that blew up in early June would be remaining closed longer than expected.

Gold, silver and copper prices all eased, with silver taking the biggest L, down 1.19%.

 

ASX SMALL CAP WINNERS

Here are the best performing ASX small cap stocks for July 1 [intraday]:

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King of the small caps today is debutante Oceana Lithium (ASX:OCN), which has strutted out onto the ASX stage like a bedazzled diva, and stunned the audience with a phenomenal rendition of crowd-favourite Holy Bejeezus, (We’re All Gonna Be Rich).

Oceana’s oversubscribed IPO and the small caps market’s insatiable appetite for mood-stabilising lithium saw the company’s price shoot up an almighty 60%. Top effort, well played.

A two-banger news day from EBR Systems (ASX:EBR) has shovelled a 44% gain into shareholder’s packets, after the company announced the successful 158-patient trial of its wireless heart control gadgets, alongside news that it’s snagged a $50 growth capital facility.

Among those licking their wounds at lunchtime was Antipodes Global Shares, headed for… umm… the Antipodes, I guess, after its price plunged nearly 18.0% this morning, while Pinnacle Minerals fell sharply, down 14.0% on very thin trade.

 

ASX SMALL CAP LOSERS

Here are the worst performing ASX small cap stocks for June 30 [intraday]:

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