This story was originally published on D’Marge.

Bragging about your personality often reveals its flaws. Most people on Tinder, however, write elaborate bios that are desperate instead of desirable, lame instead of funny and cynical instead of endearingly sarcastic.

This is a poor way to introduce yourself on a dating app which could be determining who you spend the rest of your night life with. Which is why we curated a list of common dating app bio mistakes to avoid harder than a gaslighting ex.

Inspired by today’s viral Reddit thread, “What’s the most pretentious or entitled thing someone can have in their online profile?”, and informed by the wise words of Zoosk and Bustle’s dating experts, these are the worst phrases to put in your dating app bio — and some replacements that will see you showered in heart-eye emojis.

“I probably don’t like you.”

We get it. You’re hard to get. But if you don’t think of a better way to ward off less confident suiters, your inbox (and match list) will end up being one giant pile of Society’s Most Arrogant.

Or, if someone ‘normal’ tries to approach you, they will try too hard to impress, succumbing to your original statement, in which case no one wins.

A good alternative? Try: “I probably don’t like you, but I’m a sucker for an emoji-free icebreaker.”

“I don’t message first.”

No matter how good looking you are, having “I don’t message first” in your bio makes you arrogant and liable to be approached only by those who lack self-respect, and passed over by more suitable suitors.

The alternative? “Message first at own risk.” Or, “I take no responsibility for our actions, lol.”


Unless you recently moved to Byron Bay this is unnecessary information. Make like a painful appendix and get rid of it.

Alternative? “Proud Gemini” — if your potential date doesn’t get the sarcasm they weren’t worthy anyway.

“Fluent In Sarcasm.”

If you need to tell me you are fluent in sarcasm you probably aren’t. Or, as one Reddit user says, “People want to think of themselves as belonging to ‘team’ something-or-other, some above-average quality.”

“This why you get dating profiles that proclaim the writer is ‘fluent in sarcasm’ with no actual sarcasm in evidence. Easier to say you’re on ‘team sarcasm’ than to actually be sarcastic about anything.”

The alternative? Actually say something sarcastic. “I deal with criticism reallllly well.”

“Send me 5 dollars, see what happens.”

If a guy or gal puts their PayPal, ApplePay, Venmo deets or a link to their Amazon wish list in their bio this should be a major warning sign.

The alternative? Get a job. Or, if you only accept dates from people prepared to pay for your number, expect some weird dates.

“Check out my Insta account — @surferbabe2000.”

If their profile links to their IG then the sole purpose of the dating profile is to drive traffic there. Either that or they are an extreme narcissist.

To show there could be more to you than mirror selfies and a pyramid scheme, try: “My Insta stories are the best.”

“Always the smartest person in the room.”

The smartest person in the room never brags about it. Plus, if you’re really smart you’ll realise how little you know.

Need another option to highlight your ‘intelligence’? Try, “Just looking for someone to listen to Mozart with,” or “Sapiosexual.”

“I don’t speak broke sorry.”

Insensitive, rude, cruel, inappropriate and… kind of hilarious. But you will end up attracting private school ‘bros’ who know their way around a blazer and little else.

Alternative? “Chianti 2013 or gtfo.”


“I’m not like most girls.”

Yawn. Try: “Stock standard 20 y.o quarter life cris-ee. Looking for someone to share my deadening existential angst and awkwardly not watch Netflix with.”

“Boss Babe Entrepreneur.”

Yikes. For something less LinkedIn-y have a go at, “I got 99 problems but free time ain’t one.”

“My friends tell me I’m funny.”

“My crippling social anxiety is occasionally hilarious” is a bit much for a dating app. If you really are funny, try making a joke. We are hardly comedians ourselves, but try something like, “I may be bad at writing profiles, but I’m worse at kissing.” It shows them you are capable of self-reflection and gets them thinking about kissing.

“Denmark, Sweden, Australia, Cameroon, Thailand, Japan, and many more.”

We get it: you have a passport and a wealthy upbringing. But this isn’t Tumblr. Try: “I never have sex on the first date.” It has nothing to do with ‘travel’ but it gets them thinking and thinking and thinking about what you never do.

“Outspoken, opinionated and I make no apologies for it! Not for the faint of heart!”

No known remedy. Avoid at all costs. Scrub from your eyes with digital flames.

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