Aussie markets have opened with a Garfield-esque Monday morning grump, after Wall Street had a Friday that we’d all like to forget.

Market conditions like these make decisions on what stock to buy, but luckily – when it comes to other purchasing decisions – the big online retailers have you covered.

You’ve no doubt been shopping online for something – let’s say, a new gaming headset. And while you’re shopping, the website – let’s say, Amazon – will start suggesting things to you that you might also like to buy… and, in my experience, that includes things like tins of Hungarian Goulash.

For real, that exact scenario happened to me a few months ago. So I ordered some goulash to send to a mate as a joke. He was utterly baffled by it, but I had a good laugh, so… thanks Amazon, I guess?

So, it can be quite helpful. But a lot of the time, it’s really, really not – and the online shopping experience becomes something akin to wandering the cereal aisles of a supermarket in search of something high fibre to start your day, with someone wandering along behind you, bellowing into a megaphone to ask whether you need to buy toilet paper.

It’s this process, however, that has Amazon in hot water – something the company should be well used to by now – after a group of parents filed legal proceedings with the company, alleging that the online sales giant has been selling “suicide kits”.

According to the lawsuit, the website’s algorithm responds to searches for a particular chemical by suggesting a bunch of other items that make up the rest of the kit – the shopping equivalent of calling a suicide hotline and being told “…and if that doesn’t work, try taking a bath with your hairdryer”.

We’re not, for obvious reasons, going to name the chemical, but as an analogy to paint you the picture, it’s like Amazon saying “We see that you’ve ordered a copy of Leveraged Options for Dummies… You might also like to buy A Length of Sturdy Rope and A Rickety Wooden Chair”.

Amazon, naturally, says that it’s not their fault, it’s the algorithm’s fault. That very same algorithm that they have built and deployed and have relied on to drive sales of goulash.

We’re not sure how that lawsuit’s going to play out, but if Amazon does have to tweak its algo to stop handing people the keys to the afterlife, we can only hope that every suggested purchase from Amazon is just more and more goulash… because I’ve just finished reading Leveraged Options for Dummies and I reckon the Hungarian Goulash market’s about to explode.

And, speaking of gigantic tins of crippling gut cramp-inducing sludge, let’s take a look at how the Aussie markets are doing today.

(We’d like to add: if you are feeling awful or need to talk to someone, call Lifeline on 13 11 14.)

 

TO MARKETS

Australian markets have opened lower today, dropping 1.2% at open, no doubt because today is World Porridge Day, and nothing quite says “a sodden mass of gross, semi-fluid oats” like “all the shares you own are now in the toilet. Again.”

The benchmark has since wavered, sinking further to -1.69% from open, with nary a glimpse of green across all the sectors.

Real Estate (-2.37%), InfoTech (-2.67%) and Utilities (-2.90%) have all taken a hammering this morning, with Consumer Staples (-0.54%) putting in a solid least-worst performance while the rest of the market slumps like the shoulders of a man who’s been recently retrenched.

There aren’t any Billionaires in the big winners charts this morning, but there are a couple joining in the pity party.

Of note, is Johns Lyng Group (ASX:JLG), which has taken a pounding after revealing that company managing director and group CEO Scott Didier has helped steer the company to a 27.4% YoY increase in sales revenue of more than $1 billion – and then sold off 400,000 of his shares in the company, ~7.5% of his total holdings.

The company issued a statement saying that Didier “remains a committed and supportive shareholder of JLG”, to which investors said “Nope” and made a beeline for the exits, with the old “-10% Drop Polka” playing in the background.

Time for a quick look overseas… that polka is driving us all mad.

 

NOT THE ASX

In the US, Friday was something of a tragic misfire, with all major indices closing out the week deeeep into the red again.

The Dow weathered the storm the best, down a relatively slim 2.11%, with the S&P dropping 2.80% and the Nasdaq crying out for a fresh set of underwear after bogging its grots by -3.80%.

We could be in for more bumpy weather on the wrong side of the Pacific, as Christian “Chedward” Edwards points out.

“Wall Street’s next test emerges this week in the shape of corporate earnings, and really it’s all about the lenders as the Q3 reporting season kicks off, all eyes turning to Friday when the Morgans’ (Messrs JPMorgan & Stanley) join the big money banks like Citi and Wells Fargo on the frontline,” he writes.

In Asia, Chinese markets have come back online after a week-long backyard barbecue to celebrate Golden Week. Markets there are clearly just easing back into the swing of things, down 0.05%.

Hong Kong, however, is all aboard with the Let’s All Follow Wall Street train, down 2.57% this morning, while Japan’s exchange is closed for… *checks notes*… National Sport Day – a day where all citizens are handed rudimentary spears and get training on how to stab giant radioactive monsters, and men who buy used underwear from vending machines, to death.

Over on the commodities desk, and it’s all a bit garbage there as well. Oil is down 0.46%, gas is down even further (-0.74%) and both gold (-0.41%) and silver (-1.93%) are feeling the pinch.

Copper is the only standout today, adding 0.74% and wheat prices have risen 1.93% as the every person who tried to get into the swing of World Porridge Day rushed out to buy wheat-based breakfast cereals the instant they were reminded how dour and dreary porridge really is.

In Crypto World, where your entire fortune is about four mouse clicks away from suddenly belonging to North Korea, Bitcoin and ETH have both outperformed what should be a risk-averse market at the moment.

You can get all the inside crypto scoops you can handle from Rob “World Porridge Day President” Badman’s superb Mooners & Shakers.

 

ASX SMALL CAP WINNERS

Here are the best performing ASX small cap stocks for October 10 [intraday]:

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In Small Caps Land, if you had your money on Besra Gold (ASX:BEZ), then lunch is on you… the little miner has gone gangbusters this morning, after it announced it had signed a Subscription Agreement with Quantum Metal Recovery, a substantial shareholder of the company, for the issue of 11,111,111 new CDIs to raise A$1,000,000.

The CDIs will be issued at a price of A$0.09 per CDI and will rank equally with existing fully paid CDIs on issue, which is waaaaay more than the closing price of $0.032 per CDI on 7 October 2022.

So far today, BEZ is up 87.1% to %0.052.

Also hitting high notes today is Openn Negotiations (ASX:OPN), which has reversed a recent (and quite profound) dip, on news that its US platform has hit its “go-live” milestone – and that’s translated into a 30% lift for the morning.

 

ASX SMALL CAP LOSERS

Here are the most-worst performing ASX small cap stocks for October 10 [intraday]:

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